|August 3, 2014:
Okay, first of all, let me start by apologizing for taking so long to finally update my website this
year. I wish I could say it's because my life has just been so crazy busy and active, but the truth is it
was mainly due to laziness and this website not being a high priority in my life. There was a time in
the beginning when this site was my only outlet for letting my girl side out from hiding. However, in
the past year, and past few years truthfully, I've been out so many times, between my weekly TNT
parties, the other local parties like Angela's Laptop Lounge and Jenn Bryant's Raven parties, my
Facebook page, and me going to straight places like the movies, malls, concerts, restaurants, bars,
etc., that maybe the world is overly exposed to Madeline, or at least regular person-ly exposed, just
as it should be. I guess my point is, this site is no longer the therapeutic outlet it used to be.
But, then I remember it's not all about me and feeding my big ego. As unfathomable as it is for me
to believe, other people actually come to my site and get something out of it. And I'm not just
referring to my copious, copious, and did I mention copious amount of pics.
So from now on, I am dedicating this site to all of you out there reading this. I will continue to post
pics (obvi) and write about my personal experiences and if that helps even one tgirl out there come
out of her shell or avoid a mistake I made or learn some tips for their own journey, then all of my
efforts are worthwhile. But since this site belongs to you now, be sure to let me know what you would
like to see here and I will try my best to oblige.
Anyhoo....As the title of this diary entry promised, let's get to the major developments in my life in
2014 thus far, and there have been a couple biggies.
1. I finally came out to my sister. She kind of forced my hand by moving back in with me. With me
regularly going out as Madeline as opposed to once every few months as when she previously lived
with me, it would be impossible to keep this hidden from her. The conversation went pretty much as
expected. It was awkward, uncomfortable, nerve-racking, but also not terrible. She didn't know
what to say and had all the usual questions but overall she took it well. I'm currently giving her time
to digest it all and will go at her pace in terms of providing information and seeing me en femme. She
is showing signs of accepting as she one time gave me some makeup remover she got as a gift. I can
tell she is still uncomfortable seeing me as a girl and hearing me as a girl but that's to be expected.
I'm actually really relieved this finally happened. I had always hoped she might find out about this
on her own so that I could stop hiding this huge part of my life from her. Now that it's out there, I
truly believe that in time she will see me as her little sister and next time we go shopping together, I
won't have to just stand there holding her bags while I pretend to not be interested in all the pretty
clothes for sale.
2. I finally after much back and forth with myself decided to start hormone therapy. I resisted this
for a long time, mainly because of my family and because I still want the whole wife and kids dream.
While those two things haven't changed, I slowly am through aging. I know that the later in life one
starts hormones, the less effective they will be. So while I'm taking a super slow path (half the
normal dosage of estrogen and no T-blockers), I at least want to get my body pointed in the right
direction so that when I do eventually transition (seems pretty inevitable now, just a question of
when), I will be able to achieve as much femininity as possible.
3. The last major development is my going out to straight places as a girl. I know I've done it a few
times prior to this year but now I go out quite frequently, mostly to the mall (as my dwindling bank
account can attest to). So while not completely new, what is new is that I don't feel subconscious or
even nervous about it anymore. This was especially evident when I went to a concert with my best
friend. Not only did we have to ride the scary subway but also I was constantly surrounded by lots of
people, mostly young, and the entire day went without incident. Maybe I was read and no one said
anything to my face or to my friend, but I choose to believe I was totally passable. So now not only
am I confident to go anywhere as a girl, I don't even think it's a big deal anymore.
So that's it so far this year. Keep those emails coming and hopefully another update is coming soon.